TIME

O Time O Time,

You are such a morbid player,

Every single move you make,

You gamble away our stake.

Of everything you gave,

It was never more than ‘now’,

That illusion of being wildly profane,

You’ve driven bright men insane.

O Time, you are such a trick player,

Stabbing deliberately hearts of dreams,

Not just once or twice,

But numbers terribly obscene.

What a pretentious killer,

You’ve showed to be,

While we celebrate and make merry,

You!! You abandon us brutally.

O Time such cowardice,

Haven’t you now shown?

Playing with our memories,

Turing good times cause of forlorn.

A terrific liar you are too,

When I needed you ‘more’, whoosh you flew,

Leaving me fighting myself for hours long,

Because every single time you were ‘just gone’.

You stole everything,

Sometimes quietly,

In public or through some maze,

Like a wish unfulfilled and craved.

But in all this drama,

There is something else you did,

Perhaps you didn’t notice,

Or were you in utter bliss.

You made me a Phoenix,

I can rise from my ashes,

Heal with my tears,

Not only mine but others deep scratches.

You’ve made me a fighter,

I’ll welcome you,

In mirth and deepest despairs,

Like the true friend I always care.

To tell you a truth,

I’ve always been enchanted,

With your ways and tricks,

Your turns in every candle flick.

You’ve thrilled me captivated me,

Far more than anyone ever did,

The way you tell truth in separate ears,

But end it all with a classic veneer.

You frighten, and threaten but also,

Make wild promises of thereafter,

But give just that one gift,

‘Now’ for my flight and take off lift.                                                             

And here here now you show me,

Your one more game, isn't it.

Ok I see, I see, you are so clever and cunning,

But I am not afraid of you and I wont stop dreaaaammming

 :)

Question.

You know for the past some time I’ve written many a things on Hope. But there has always been some kind of a hitch and I just couldn’t click on ‘Publish’.

I mean there is this question that comes again and again what will it matter if there was no hope? I mean, yes it would be sad, but is it that terrible being sad that one has to pretend to be hopeful. Being sad, sitting in the corner in a dark room is it so wrong? Then again why is it? It’s my emotion I must respect it just as well I accept the “acceptable” emotions right?

So lets get the Scientific facts: blah, blah, this goes bad, it increases this level, lowers that level, creates blockage here, blah, blah, blah.

But then aren’t we all dying? Hasn’t something already started going wrong for our ultimate departure? Since then I have been more observant, as in being more alive. And it turns out I didn’t know why I was living. Then came the inevitable “Existential Crisis” and playing ‘Asleep’ in my ears over and over again. Accepting the garrets, dim lights (it hurt coz I am already wearing glasses).  I gave in to irrationality, hadn’t let anybody cut my nails for three weeks at a stretch (my sister suggested to shape them, duhh!!)

Then somehow, my mum talked me into baking a cake. I think the fact that I could use as much drinking chocolate as I wanted must have attracted me. So there I was standing in the kitchen and my first attempt. It was good, but it wasn’t what I wanted. It was something I did just as I saw. It wasn’t mine.

Then came the next one, yup this one’s better and its different. But not good enough.

Maybe the next one’s gonna be. And then it struck me. This is “Hope”. This is why we ‘do’. That is all we have. I guess.

But, come on, there are questions unanswered, puzzles to be untangled, and mysteries to be solved. So I think the only solution is… I don’t know yet. But I’ll find it hopefully.

:)

Kites waiting for butterflies...

 “Meri patang to bephikar,

Udd rahi hai maaa,

  Door koi loote nai,

                Beech se kaate naa…”

I won’t tell from which song is this coz if you’ve forgotten it, you should probably forget it.

I think we all live like this, steering our way up in the sky, our feet to the ground.

Sometimes with the wind sometimes fighting against it. Still we remain on the ground.

Some struggle to stay up there,

Some give up,

Some wear out,

Some try to take others down,

Some inspire others to go a little higher,

Some go into white clouds,

Some into the grey ones,

There was the one which found electricity.

There are all kinds, in all ridiculous colors. 

I was trying to choose mine, when I the next two lines came up.

Those lines it’s the fear, the insecurity, the chains restricting our freedom. They are pulling some down and we know it.

We know it, we feel it all around us, we read it in newspapers..

The increasing crime, encroaching of the powerful on basic rights, corruption…

I’d always blamed politics to this, and I thought be a scientist, they are too busy being innovative to do wrongs. Then I saw Spider Man/ Iron Man and I was left clueless.

Then why not be a pilgrim, on the path of righteousness and then I watched Batman and then mehhh.

Then why not be a simple musician, live and die with music coz it makes one incorruptible then I watched Sarfaroosh….

These are all fiction,

But did you know all the gadgets in Star Wars are actually in real now!! Got my point?

So what is the solution??

Don’t ever consider yourself to be small. A little effort goes a long way. The Butterfly Effect.

Take care of your action, that’s all that matters.

There is always a right and wrong and you know it. Stick to it.

And it’ll fill my air with Hope.

I'd like to thank a dear friend for pointing out my kiddish blogging. I hope I've improved (a bit). :)

Whats Nxt?

I am not a  fan of perfect. In fact I despise it.

Its kinda restraining, like being captured, being chained, like geeee and bleahhh..

You know whats awesome, whats exciting , super-cool ( other than me :P), its improving, creating versions 1.0, 2.0… 5.0 or even like aota.zeta.queta (infinite possibilities you see)  whatever you call it. There is freedom, nothing to restrict, and you are in the fearless zone, that takes you into the mood of:

                                Its allright, allright,

                                Its okay, okay,

                                Its all good, all good….

                                                                With a nice peppy tune to it...

HAKUUUNA MATATA...............................................................

Those are the times when you have your rosy spects, everything is within your reach, and in fact things seem to be taking care of themselves. I specifically enjoy it when my mind is oozing out what my friends call “barbaad” jokes, though let’s call them PJs. In my defense, they always (without fail) make sense to me.

Everyone experiences this, like someone put fevicol on your smile.

Stick on to them as much as you can. And there is a secret about the spects, they work like laser-detectors, you just automatically see the obvious solution right IN-FRONT-OF-YOU!!!. I'll keep this small (adorably short) coz I am not using spacebar in this blog (just spell-checks!!), its all coming out straight unaltered, un-thought-about. :)

 I am feeling the Hope. Are you??

Could Be Right??

I'm not so happy today, maybe too idleness is the cause.

Yeah, its like my exploration is stuck, because hello I'm falling here in the space. I'm not even sure if its falling or rising there is no frame of reference (remember the pole and train problem). I can breath (somehow) with deliberate effort, no longer an involuntary activity you see.

I steer around and there could be so many things that actually could be, like a weird space-traffic police, a floating chandelier complaining of too much light, a hat beggar (a hat begging for hats), a terrific near-to-death accident, it could be anything!!!. Come on there are so many possibilities.

But here I am stuck, no falling or rising or whatever yet I'm stuck. I dare not let my imagination run wild lest i might loose track of my breathing exercise.

Yet i'm seeing things, things that could be, but not sure if they actually do. For a second I let it be. I let them be true, I let a pencil-kind-of-thing knock me down. I let its eye widen in amazement, I let its voice bellow in some distance from an invisible mouth or is it from its eyes, oh that's what they call talking eyes. I am letting it encourage my excitement on being able to do it, when my eyes begin to close and I tell it not now.

I tell it this a once-in-a-lifetime (if there is a lifetime- no frame of reference again) opportunity to be with this pencil and something besides, you know, write.
But now I feel a sharp physical pain, like a stab in the heart and I beg myself, not now PLEASE. Stay here this is  the 'INCREDIBLE'.

And then i make an effort, a sincere, a determined, a focused effort with all my strength I've got to be up and I force a deep breath.

Dammit!! I forgot to breath. Hah!
But now that I do, there is no pencil. Hallucination perhaps, but there could have been one, it may have disappeared in its secret vehicle TheStand.
So now that again i'm falling/rising. I've got something to munch on "the reality of the pencil hmm." This debate will take a while. I'm happy getting busy again. Meanwhile somethings coming up which can tolerate my essential exercise. Yeah Feel the Hope!!

Catching the wandering thought...

I've been reading and thinking and wondering and imagining and analyzing and then again letting it flow. There is not much to do otherwise in the hot summer vacations is it?

What were all those things about?

It's obvious isn't it?? what happens? why it happens? Are there disguised aliens among us? Are some people we meet actually time-travelers? Is our planet bugged by the extra-terrestrials? how would the world end?

is whatever we see and feel and hear true or just in our mind? 

trust me its intriguing and exhausting!!

Movies, they are the once that baffle me the most. because i am not sure if what i am seeing on screen is something recorded on a magnetic tape or its reality.

Books, come next.

when i read something extraordinary from a book that was kept on my desk for ages. i wonder how strange it is to have stumbled upon it now and not knowing its existence all the time it was there sitting calmly, serenely, undisturbed. But now that its a part of my this very existence.

I searched Google and it came up with this concept of Metaphysics. And reading it was somehow cheating on my thoughts.

Because i wish to save this experience from the scratch. Even if it meant creating my own ABCs.

I also know that soon enough i'll be too tired to ask more questions and then doze off. When i'll be awake i'll avoid these questions and blend in with the r-e-a-l-i-t-y.

But i know it will pop up again during some unexpected moments, some moments of retrospection, in some distant observations, no doubt it will....

and i hope it doesss.